What ideas can yall think of, to allow both parents to keep working FT and raise a baby?
I have a great idea, that parents can have the baby, and then have the babies go to daycare FT. The parents can work all week, fine dine, shop and be fab, and then on week-ends the children can come for lunch or dinner. Then be returned to the daycare, because we don't want the parents to miss out on all the vacations, sales, wine and cheese parties that they deserve. They deserve it right?
Felix yummi below-a baby's first crucial weeks are the first 260What ideas can yall think of, to allow both parents to keep working FT and raise a baby?
In all honesty, why are you thinking of having a baby and having both parents working? The only thing you'll have in common with it will be your genetics but thats as far as it goes. Babies require unbelievable amounts of affection and support.
The first answerer said for one of you to work days and the other nights. I know the baby would suffer, as would your relationship, and your sleep, and probably your jobs aswell. What if the baby has colic? It's quite common. You'll might get about 3 hours sleep a night too and you need to be able to cope.
Daycare is the only answer with a tiny bit of common sense, but can't it wait. My son isn't ready for daycare at 16 months yet (I think another year would be about right). Also I would think of the effects of it. The nanny probably won't be as attached as most mothers would be. Also if she/he looks after the baby as the main care giver, wouldn't the child be devistated if she moved away, left town, changed job or whatever. Can you think back to school when so many of the children who were disruptive or had bad grades, had parents that divorced.
Childcare needs to be taken seriously. If you are with a women who really demands to go out and work, I think she's going to get a reality check when it comes. I would suggest to split the time at home if she feels so strongly about it until the baby is at least 18 months.
Idea 1: Stop thinking of this as always 100% the women's responsibility. It takes two to make a baby.
Idea 2: On-site child care. Civilized countries have this, and it works well.
Idea 3: Stop penalizing any parent who spends time caring for their off-spring. Unless everyone is willing to say that this generation of babies is to be the last generation of humans on Earth, it needs to be possible for parents to parent.
Working opposite shifts doesn't work either. One reason is that the parents would not have many chances to see each other but another is that the person who works the later shift will have trouble getting enough sleep. I worked the graveyard shift for a year and that was the main problem for me. It's very noisy outside during the day. Not only do you have planes flying overhead but also you keep hearing the sounds of car alarms, traffic, weed whackers, construction equipment, and the beeping of trucks backing up. Then if you have children coming home from school, they make a lot of noise even when you ask them to be quiet when they come in. I used to tell my daughters not to bang on the front door when they got home but they always did it anyway.
Since most of the world can't afford to ';choose';, I find it quite silly. there is nothing wrong with daycare, if you personally visit a lot of them, just drop by at odd times, and see what is really going on, and also go at check-in and check-out times, and quiz the parents about how they feel about their daycare, without the employees in earshot, you can find a good one. Expensive private ';schools'; teach the same stuff, and don't guarantee that the teachers are any more loving or caring than the cheaper daycares. Children that are lucky enough to have a parent at home, often end up in kindergarten without any of the social skills that they would have learned by being around other kids in a daycare setting. I knew some kids in my son's kindergarten, that couldn't even grasp the waiting in line concept for the water fountain, or cried all day, because they had never been separated from their parents all day. Daycare helps these things happen before they are in real school, these days kindergarten goes straight into real teaching, whereas when I was litte, it was used as the separation learning time, but these days they expect all the children to have already acheived a different level. My child grew up to be an honor's student, with advanced placement, and very happy. Daycare did not adversely affect him at all. Call your church, do they have a daycare? Good luck, don't let anyone make you feel like you should have to give up your job, I had no choice if I wanted to feed my child, but it is still a good thing.
Well, other than paying someone else to look after your children, or possibly get a relative to look after them for free, I don't know what solutions there are. I don't particularly see why there should be any other solutions.
Personally, I think if a woman is set on having a full-time career, she would be better off not having children and just concentrating on the career. ';He travels fastes who travels alone, and that goes double for women'; as Florence King put it.
In my situation, the daddy's working full time, and I'm currently at home for the first few crucial weeks. As my baby is getting older and enjoys interacting with more people, my mother said she would look after him for 3 or 4 days while I'm at work, if it's not at a time that the dad's at home. I like that idea because I still get to see my fiance just as much, plus my baby gets time with his grandmother without spending TOO much time away from me.
How bout we focus on the child for a moment, instead of the parents. Who would the child prefer to be raising them? Some stranger or extended family member? Or one of the parents?
I'm not sure about you, but I can't think of anything healthier for the well being of a child - especially a baby - than to have a parent with them...nurturing and caring for their needs.
I'm sorry to be contrary, but I don't see that we need to be focussing on the parents' needs in this discussion - because really, thats all we ever really see. I would much rather see a discussion where we look to solutions to allow for one (father OR mother) parent to be home with the child. And if they aren't willing to do that - tell me - why did they want the child in the first place????
I talking with parents - new parents, in particular - we hear all kinds of stories about how changing the experience is, and how it is the greatest thing to ever happen to them. Funny - it wouldn't seem that way by how many are willing to move heaven and earth to keep their precious careers...hmmmm...
And - just to avoid all the nay-sayers....I'm not talking about those folks who NEED to work in order to keep a roof over their heads. Although, it does boggle the mind to see them having children when they are barely making ends meet as just a couple...
I think it can totally be done (I do it and coach plenty of women who do it), and here are some top tips that can help make this work (caveat here is that partner must be a true 50/50 partner in the deal):
1.Identify and stick to your priorities: Take the time with your partner to make a list of tasks you must accomplish weekly, monthly, and longer (quarterly or annually). With each item on your “must” list, include a deadline or a clear time commitment.
2.Be organized: Use the list you generated in #1 to organize your life and calendar. Email systems, phones, and PDAs can be a great help in this endeavor and travel with you. Coordinate your calendar with your partner or spouse to make sure all the tasks at home get covered. Discuss and develop a system for splitting up the domestic musts. For example, my husband and I have 2 kids and both work full-time. We’ve divvied up the weekly chores such that he does and folds all the wash and I do all the shopping and cooking.
3. Expect the Unexpected: Some morning when you or your partner has a really important meeting at work or a deadline, you’ll wake up to a flooded basement or a vomiting child and someone has to take one for the team. Agree in advance that you will trade off these sacrifice days, even though it will never be convenient for either of you. Keep track of theses days, and remember to respect one another’s careers!!! Of course, if its “your day” and your partner has a job interview for a great new position and you’re not under the gun, be flexible and thoughtful and be open to switching things around a bit- in other words, use common sense and be nice.
4. Save time by spending a little more money—In the long run, you have only two things to spend-time and money. If you want to save on one, you'll have to spend the other. Therefore, think seriously about investing in services that take care of some of the chores, such as housecleaning. Even having your house cleaned professionally once a month is a big help, and saves you a bunch of time! Many cities also have grocery delivery services that allow you to order groceries online and have them delivered to your home for a small (~10 dollars) fee.
5. Learn to say no—This goes for work and school. Clearly, there are some things you can’t say “no” to, such as when your boss asks you to do an important task or your baby needs to go to the doctor, but there are plenty of things you can say no to. One big one we’ve negotiated with our kids now that they're older is the number of non-school activities they do. Although there are nearly endless options and interests for kids in this arena, our kids get to choose 2 non-school activities (including weekend activities) each semester or school year. This reduces the chaos of oversheduling them and us, and assures that the kids have sufficient time for school work and just “hanging out”.
6. Ask for help—When there’s too much to do, ask for help at home or at work. This totally goes against the “Superparent” self-concept many of us have for ourselves, but we all know, deep-down, that we cannot do it all well all the time. One life-saver arrangement for our family is trading off care with another family on teacher in-service days at school. This reduces by half the number of days my husband and I have to cover when the kids are not in school, but still allows us to take advantage of some of those days to spend time with our kids and their friends.
6. Be kind to yourself and others- Remember the Golden Rule “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?” Cliché as it may sound, I repeat this to myself frequently when I feel stressed, crabby, or ready to make a snarky remark. This goes double for your spouse or partner; you two are on the same team, and teams never win when there is infighting and dissent among the ranks. Be sure to take care of your relationship by making time together without kids, and without each other sometimes- everyone needs some “me” time, and no one more so that working parents!
This is a long answer, but for me and many women I know, this works. Daycare may still need to be part of the equation, but even that can be negotiated if you and your spouse have a family-freindly policy; flextime is your freind!
You know, in other cultures, it would be normal for both parents to work and the kids to stay with a stay at home aunt, or grandmother. Of course, other cultures have the elderly live at home, and not warehoused in nursing homes......
I was sent to my grandparents full time for the first 5 years of my life. I missed my mom, but I got full time, one on one education. I went to kindergarden able to read, name all of crayola's colors,print my name, say my numbers to 100 and add numbers ect. I have always found school easy and I credit my very patient grandparents who taught me instead of propping me in front of the tv
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To the people saying that the ';mom'; should get a reality check and stay with the baby.... that would have been great, but then we would have had nothing to eat. Welcome to reality. And please, refrain from calling me some kind of ';accident'; or ';unwanted.'; My mom tells me all the time the happiest day of her life was when I was born, and she would have given ANYTHING to be at home with me. It just wasn't possible.
And my primary care giver was my grand-father.... I have never really felt that I was deprived somehow because my mom didn't stay home with me for the first 18 months of my life.... I never felt that my mother had nothing more to offer society than being my caregiver..... and I was that obnoxious girl in elementary school that got all those good citizenship awards lol!
OH! and to the poster splitting time with her fiance and the baby's grandmother - good for you! Friends of mine are solving their infant-care delima that way - by sharing the time, they can both work 30hrs/wk, and the baby get to see Grandma! It's work, but I think you may have found the best possible solution! :)
My husband and I did this for awhile, until I chose the SAHM gig. We are both mental health professionals and my job had TONS of flexibility. He worked 7 am to 3 pm M-F and I worked 3:30pm to 8 pm M-F then did some work on the weekends when we were both home (Full time at my office is anything over 30 hours). We do a version of this now, our child is in all day Kindergarten, we are both at our same jobs, although I have changed positions dramatically--I work during the week, he works on the weekends. Social services is pretty flexible, I recommend it to anyone, also, more and more companies are willing to let SAHM telecommute--I have this option with my agency and use it ALOT. If you can work independently, telecommuting is the way to go. I haven't seen my office for 3 days, and all my projects are done! We chose to have a child, which for us, meant that WE wanted to raise her, not daycare. I understand that many fams have to work to make ends meet. We were blessed by flexible jobs and the fact that my parents live right next door. I wish there were an easy solution.
I've had friends go both routes. Some returned to their jobs as soon as 6 wks after the birth and some (like myself) have continued to stay at home. Career is the key word. If you have a salaried position, many corporations will welcome you back. If you work minimum wage or blue collar, chances are you're going to have to find a new job. The easiest thing in my opinion (if you don't want to return to work) is to cut out all extravagances and learn to budget). It's not impossible if you work at it.
blue: I've stayed at home w/both my boys (8 and 4) for the entire time and neither is socially awkward or inept. It totally depends on the way things are handled. You just have to be involved in some activities and teach them manners. SAHM's were the norm just 40 years ago. Both ways work if you're a good parent.
dont bother to find solutions for most women- they know how to have babies and work and look after them- find a solution for yourself- either dont have babies or look after them yourself while holding a job. Dont do it for the ladies- do it for yourself- probably take some tutoring course from the ladies who have done multitasking all along
Daycare or a nanny, then school. Yeah it's more expensive, but you have two incomes.
First, all career's are hard fought, not just women's. Second, if a woman (or man) does drop or go part time, it is because they choose to, no matter how much they complain about ';having'; to.
Total flexitime for men and women i.e. you make up your 40 hour week at any time of day or night, from home or work. Obviously this wouldn't work for many jobs (especially service industry) and really there is no easy way of giving mothers of newborns the flexibility that they need.
1. workplace day care
2. up to one year of mat leave, which works wonderfully in Canada
3. better health care
4. child benefits ONLY in the packages of working parents
both parents might want to be working 6 hrs/day rather than more and then BOTH can be real people instead of only employee slaves.
Government supported daycare centers like in France would be good.
one work at night, one work in morning.
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